The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

I hate to watch an era end, especially one that has been so vital to my childhood.

I remember getting Strider and Legolas action figures for Christmas as a kid. I was in love with the Lord of the Rings trilogy. My family watches it every year on New Years. Like many it has become an important part of my families tradition and has partially added to my personal view on movies and opinions about them since I was very young. I, like many, expected great things to come from The Hobbit. I mean, come on, it's freaking Peter Jackson. The man who created Middle Earth. The overseer of my childhood favorite. At the first Hobbit film, I was disappointed by the lack of maturity. Their were jokes in these films (obvious ones at that), but I knew that Peter had to appeal to a younger audience in order to make this film work. At the second, I was bored by the lack of action and by the fact that character development was very limited. But, true fan I am, I walked into The Battle of Five Armies and took part in this the end of my era.

Picking up exactly where it left off, The Battle of Five Armies begins with the destruction of Lake Town by Smaug, who did not actually get desolated in the Desolation of Smaug (Spoiler!). Benedict Cumberbatch begins to throw flames upon unprepared Lake Town as the cowardly masters of the town flee with their gold. Bard, the boatman, saves the day completing the task his forefathers had started by shooting down the dragon with a deadly black arrow. His people rally behind him making him the new leader of Lake Town. In contrast, Thorin Oakenshield has fallen to the curse of gold, a curse which his family has known well. He grows sick with greed and evil creeps into his mind as he suspects his fellow dwarves of stealing his precious Arkenstone, the crowning jewel of the dwarf treasure. Bilbo has it though and is keeping it safe and hidden in order not to throw Thorin into even greater madness. Bard knows that his people need shelter and food so he leads them to the Lonely Mountain in hopes of collecting on the promise of riches that Thorin had sworn to give them earlier in the Desolation of Smaug. He is unwelcomed, however, by the dwarf king, who fortifies the mountains walls trapping himself and his thirteen friends in the mountain with the all desired gold of his ancestors.


Another has heard of the taking of the mountain as well. Enter Lee Pace. Thranduil, king of the Wood Elves, in interested in the diamonds which are kept in the treasure hoard of the dwarves. In hopes of attaining his diamonds, Thranduil makes an alliance with Bard to go to the mountain and get what they are owed. Thorin will have nothing of it. He refuses to give them a single coin. Thus the war has been waged. The Pale Orc (Azog) is still in hot pursuit of Thorin Oakenshield and the treasures of the mountain. He also brings his army to meet the mountain. So now you've got three forces- The Lake Town Citizens, The Wood Elves, and Azog's Army. Thorin will not go unprotected so he calls on his cousin of the Iron Hills to bring his forces to protect the Mountain. That's four. The final fifth army is a branch of Azog's troops which hail from an old forgotten Orc fortress. Their army is greater still, and their plan is to attack from the north and cut off the other armies. Death and ruin ensue and then-bam, it's over. Happy Hobbit goes home to live to be 111 and to have a party (with a ring safely tucked in his pocket).

Of the three, I believe this film is the best. There was plenty of plot in the beginning of the film mixed with more than enough action in the middle, and a sentimental ending for the criers in the house. There were several different leadership types that were highlighted throughout the film which helped show the value of being a humble leader among people. There was also a great 'lust not for gold' message throughout the film which showed the danger that greed can cause in a good man/character. Hey, there was even a love theme thrown in there "if it hurts, it's real". I'm not saying this movie was great; I was still disappointed, but I am claiming that if Middle Earth had to end on a note, this one was too badly out of tune.


Let's talk characters. Martin Freeman is by far the highlight of this trilogy. He is witty and heartfelt, strong and stubborn, but most of all he embodies a hobbit- down to earth and kind, but sometimes as fool hearty as the rest of us. Though he gets minimal screen time in this film, Bilbo is still the main hero of the movie. His scenes are poignant and important, and his emotions are real.  Of the heroes in this film, another is Bard, the boatman. I was not a fan of Bard in the beginning, but he quickly became a favorite of mine in this movie. He proved to be a man worth his salt by taking his rightful place as leader of the Lake Town brigade. Thorin is also another "good guy". In this film, however, I think he fell very short of his previous hobbit work. His greed was apparent and well done, but as a hero, he didn't last very long. There's no denying it, I cried when some of my favorites died. And they did die. That's what they do. But I felt that the death scenes in this film were not well extended as to show the grief that they would cause.

My sister and I constantly found scenes and lines in this movie that were repeated from previous Middle Earth movies. Lines such as "we haven't eaten in three stinking days" and such were brought up, I know this seems trivial, but to a crazed fan like myself, these things stick out. The final battle scene between Azog and Thorin is also reminiscent of another important battle scene in the Return of the king between a certain dark power and a blond headed maiden (wink wink). Maybe I've spent too much time watching these films, but I believe that this stuff is important.

Stream of the Week- Bewitched

How very charming those under a charm can be.

In hopes of living a normal life, Isabel moves to Hollywood. There's just one thing. She's a witch. Like a real, honest to goodness, spell casting, get your caldron witch. But she's trying to quit. Honest. Witch's honor. With a few spells here and there, Isabel is adjusting to life in the real world. Before she knows it, Isabel is in need of a job. Enter Jack. Jack is a washed up actor who is planning on redoing the popular TV show Bewitched. But, there's just one problem. He needs the perfect girl to play Samantha. After auditioning hundreds of girls, Jack runs into Isabel at a book store. She's perfect for the part. So, Jack convinces her to join his cast as Samantha. Swept off her feet by his charm, Isabel agrees and signs on to the project. Jack has a bit of an arrogance issue and has the entire show rewritten so that his character is the focus of the show and Isabel's character is barely on screen. Coupled with the fact that he is very rude to everyone around him, Isabel loses it. She tells Jack what's what without using her magic and quits the show in front of everyone because she won't put up with his attitude any longer. Jack is caught completely off guard by Isabel's outburst and finds himself strangely attracted to her passion and personality. He begs her to come back to the show. Isabel joins the cast again holding off on her magic. She and Jack fall completely in love with each other (it's a romantic comedy and you didn't see this coming? really?). To prove that she and Jack have something more than superficial to her father, Isabel tells Jack about her abilities. This catches Jack off guard. The idea of magic and Isabel's past creeps him out and he pushes her away. After this "breakup" neither seem to be doing well. Jack has strange dreams, and Isabel sits in bed eating cool whip while watching Jack's previous films. They both seem miserable without each other, but it isn't going to be easy for Jack to accept all of Isabel.

If you think I have a soft spot for romantic comedies.....you're right. I enjoyed this film. It had a light touch to it because the subject matter was a bit silly to start with. There's no weight to the love story which makes it an easy watch. I love all the interactions that Isabel has with her father, played by Michael Caine. They happen in the strangest ways and under the best circumstances. His story with another one of the cast members that Isabel works with is a bit underdeveloped, but playful. It's important to say that some films are just fluff, and there are some days where you just need a bit of fluff.

Capture of Culture- These Amazing Shadows

Films must be preserved. The good ones, the bad ones, and the ugly ones alike are all important touchstones to our past.

There are billions of films that have been made since the dawn of cinema in the late 1800s. Unfortunately, after many of these films were made, studios did not see the need to properly care for their film rolls because they had already made the money off of their products. The rolls of these important films were then stored in unfavorable circumstances permanently damaging the images. In 1989, congress officially created the National Film Registry in order to collect and preserve these films. Every year, 25 films are selected and added to the collection. These films can range from documentaries to drama, from political propaganda to musicals, and even some home videos. Each of these films must fit the criteria of being at least 10 years old and must be "culturally, historically or aesthetically significant" in order to be inducted into the registry. A board then takes their suggestions that they receive from the public and from their own personal finds and debates over which 25 should be inducted. Films such as Jaws, The Birth of a Nation, and Breakfast at Tiffany's have been placed in the care of the Library of Congress based on the National Film Registry's votes. However, films such as Footloose, The Birds, and My Fair Lady have not yet been inducted.

It is important that documentaries like this exist so that we can learn about the history of our world and how we can help their causes. If you have a film you'd like to see be saved email-  dross@loc.gov with your suggestions.

Stream of the Week-The One I Love

I'm pretty sure this is what having your mind blown feels like.

Ethan and Sophie have been having a rough time in their marriage. They have been struggling with communication and their ability to have fun together, so their therapist sends them to a retreat in a cottage house. While there, they discover a guest house in which they find copies of themselves. In the guest house, Sophie meets her idealized version of her husband Ethan and Ethan meets the perfect version of Sophie. Ethan, untrusting and naturally inquisitive, starts to investigate the strange versions that they interact with. He tries to spy and to ask questions. Sophie on the other hand begins to fall in love with "Other Ethan". She spends more and more time in the guest house and keeps her time and experiences in the guest house from her Ethan. There is no explanation and no answer to what is going on at this retreat, nor does Sophie seem to want to know. If I tell you anymore, I will ruin it.

I am so impressed and confused and in love with this movie. It is witty, and it is thoughtful. The technique that went into some of the scenes that involve the other versions of themselves must have been fantastic because it appears seamless. Another important aspect of this film is how they differentiate between versions of themselves. Other Sophie pins her hair back and wears softer colored clothing while original Sophie is always in sweats. Other Ethan doesn't wear glasses and parts his hair differently. But, a viewer wouldn't recognize these differences if it weren't for the actors pointing them out directly in the script. Other than that, they look the same which makes the ending very difficult. But I'm not going to spoil it. I promised. Please go watch this film. It needs the love.

Capture of Culture- Burt's Buzz

"Burt is the bearded wonder."

In a simple house in Maine lives the man on the can of every Burt's bees product. His favorite thing in life is his golden retriever and he refuses to own a television. He is the quintessential hippie who wants to live off the land and eat organically. Burt learned how to bee keep as a young man and he started selling his honey products on the side of the road from the pickup bed of his truck. One day he met a woman with a plan who took his image and put it on their products. With this stroke of genius, the pair was able to start selling more and more of their products. They started with craft shows and built their way up to full factory in the Carolinas and a multimillion dollar corporation. Burt was bought out of the business by his partner until she sold to Clorox. It was at that point that Burt signed up to be the face of the company and go on tour promoting his all natural products. Now Burt goes to foreign countries and answers interview questions in the only way he knows how- simply.

I am constantly fascinated by the kinds of people there are in the world. I didn't know someone like Burt actually existed, but there are hundreds, if not thousands,  of people who prefer the company of their animals to humans and who have no electricity. It's a culture that never grew out of their simpler ways with the advancement of technology. Burt's Buzz shows all aspects of Burt's personality. They show the awkward pauses in speech when he doesn't understand the modern world; they show his strange interaction with other people because he doesn't know how to always communicate. Even without the added bonus of being a millionaire, Burt in an interesting subject to view. Like many of us find with any older person, his perspective on so many modern things is so very different from ours. Perhaps we would all really be better off with a simpler way of life.

Stream of the Week- Camp Takota

Sometimes on a Friday night, all you need is a little Drunk Kitchen mixed with Daily Grace.

Elise had her life figured out. She was getting married, and she had a great (stressful) job. Due to the magic of Facebook and a slip up at work, Elise is fired from her perfect job which forces her to come home early to find her perfect fiancé in bed with another woman. So not the best day in history. Elise flees to her apartment where she gets completely hammered and calls an old camp counselor who has been trying to recruit her to come back as a member of the camp staff for the summer. She signs up for the camp so that she can get away from all of her troubled and stressful "real life" issues for a few months and enjoy the peace and quiet that the woods and camp of her childhood would hold. Upon arrival in Camp Takota, Elise runs into her two best friends from camp days who now work on the staff, Alison and Max. The trio quickly set into a fun rhythm as they fall into old habits together. Slowly, but surely Elise lets the world she left behind melt as she replaces it with camp life. She meets Eli, the farmer from across the lake who helps her forget the nasty cheating Jeff that she left at home, and with a goal in mind she actually becomes a decent camp counselor. But the camp is in trouble. Technology and "live streaming" is planning to take over the old camp Through a team effort, the trio (and Eli) have to wrangle the camp together and get enough kids to sign up for the following year in order to pay the bills. On top of that, Elise gets a call from her old boss asking her to come back. It's all too confusing. Camp life is on the tipping point for Elise and it all comes down to a campfire. Gotta love camp drama.

Summer camp is the quintessential place to find summer romance in the cool farmer who lives across the all too convenient lake. It is also the place where young people go to find themselves in the movies. So if you're going to have a super crazy early to mid life crisis, camp is the place to go and figure it out. There is a certain ease created between Alison, Elise, and Max. Their acting, though not totally phenomenal, was strong much like their senses of humor making this watch overall enjoyable and entertaining. But it also hints at the importance of not being so attached to the plug in products. Ironic coming from a youtube star studded cast.

Capture of Culture- I Am Santa Claus

It's hard to watch Santa get drunk, but hey there are 364 other days in the year so I guess he's gotta do something.

Did you know that Santa has an agent? Yeah, me neither. In fact there is an entire market dedicated to buying and renting out a Santa for your local mall events. Santa can show up at your house on Christmas Eve. It's a wonderful world which we inhabit. I Am Santa Claus follows the lives of several real live Santas as they prepare to take on the holiday season. Preparations begin
at the start of the new year. Beards must be grown and conventions must be attended. Heck, they have to elect the President of the Santa Brotherhood! So much to do in so little time, no wonder they have hired help. The main aspect of being Santa is of course the Christmas Spirit, but as a wise elf once discovered it's a bit hard to pull it off. (Wouldn't want to smell like beef and cheese)Holly must be hung and a bowl full of jelly must be produced. Happiness and love for the children are essential character traits for these Santas to possess. But don't ask about their personal lives, because it's not nearly as pretty as the songs.

There are gay Santas, drunk Santas, and Santas who do questionable things the rest of the year. I Am Santa Claus highlights the rest of Santas year as he prepares for the red suit. The audience is dragged into the personal lives of 3 or 4 Santas as they are interviewed about common topics and address the duties of being Santa. Surprisingly enough, Santa has a day job. We meet an antiques dealing Santa, a fire sprinkler system designing Santa, and the ever unemployed Santa. Regardless of their paycheck or amount of holiday jobs, the Santas all agree that in order to be a Claus, they must have the Christmas Spirit. Happy Holidays.